god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I skipped work to stalk him.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
