WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
