I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
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