I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I party with great urgency now.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
