I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
