i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize