You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
