my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Houston, we have a squirter
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
