walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Hippo gnu deer
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
