So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
