K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
