i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
