It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
