omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
