i need an iv and a liver transplant
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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