I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
