I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
