I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
