I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
