Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
