oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
it's like iHOP with fire
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
