I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
