soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
