I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
