I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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