I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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