i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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