that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
