I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Can Purell be used as lube?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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