did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
