I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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