Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
