Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
