you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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