We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Randomize