he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
