Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
