Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
