I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize