I puked a lego.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
