Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
