Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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