I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
