The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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