I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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