Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
