you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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