i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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