I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
someone owes me an orgasm
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Text me some of your sweat
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
