I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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