The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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