you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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