Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Dicks are not precious.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
