let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
