mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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