Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
