looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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