At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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