Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
