I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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