I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
