a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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