New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
