I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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