How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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